At a time when relations are mostly consensual and rules are also made based on mutual beliefs, morality and acceptance, it is important that one knows where to draw the line with issues like cheating, even if it is for few moments. Now so who decides as to what is cheating and what is not. This may help:
1. Physical cheating: We’ve all heard of the phrase ‘It didn’t even mean anything. I don’t love her like I love you.’ While this is not a valid reason for cheating, the person saying this might actually have had an entirely physical encounter. This essentially means that there were no emotions involved.
2. Emotional cheating: Many people assume that if you haven’t done anything with another person physically, it doesn’t count as cheating. That’s not necessarily true, though. Say, if you start having feelings for someone who is not your partner and actively build an emotional connection with them, knowing that you’re falling for them… Some would say that’s a worse kind of cheating than even physical cheating.
3. Revenge cheating: The problem with most of us is that we rarely say what we mean. We might pretend to forgive our partners at times to move on from an issue, but the resentment remains. This resentment is what leads to one seeking revenge at times. It might just be something as small as cancelling a date just because your partner cancelled the previous one or cheating on your partner because you suspect that’s what they’re doing too.
Coming back to the initial point – thinking about someone else during sex. Where do you think that lies in the above categories? Of course, it has emotional roots, but I’m sure no one in the world has a 100% control over their thoughts, right? We’re all only human. But I think what really determines whether it’s cheating is how you deal with it. You can either accept it and keep doing it because it makes you feel good – or you can try to understand exactly why it’s happening and do something about it. Is the sex getting boring? Is it not creative enough? Would experimenting more in bed with your partner help you stay in the moment with him?
“While thinking about someone else during sex may not be defined as cheating, it is surely an indicator that sex for that individual is more one-sided, masturbatory and autosexual in nature. It is just ‘sex’ and not a ‘sharing of intimacy’. It also means that sex is merely to ‘take’ and not to intimately explore what pleasures each other and ignites passion in each other. When you fantasise about someone else you are not present in the moment and therefore cannot have intimate memories with your partner. The relationship, therefore, can not evolve into a sensually romantic and passionate one.”
If you’re reading this because you’ve had thoughts about someone else while having sex with your partner – don’t be alarmed. This does not need to be the end of your relationship. Try finding your way back to your partner by discovering the things you found sexy and appealing about them all over again. It’ll take work – but what good relationship doesn’t?