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Want to stay married; prepare for some compromises now

Want to stay married; prepare for some compromises now

Getting married may not have changed even today but staying married is definitely a major challenge in modern era. While marriage was for life in bygone era, it certainly cannot be new normal in our times.

With the rising divorce rates and dysfunctional marriages, it is clear that neither partner is willing to relent and they’d rather live apart than compromise together. So where does one draw the line? It’s unhealthy saying yes so much that you lose yourself and saying no so often that you lose your partner.

So is compromise really possible in modern relationships?

Says relationship counsellors opine”The word ‘compromise’ has a negative connotation. A better word to use is ‘negotiation’ as it’s about finding win-win solutions, or then agreeing to disagree respectfully on ‘minor’ issues.”

When it comes to compromise, balance is key as it allows both sides to be heard. “Sometimes, the decision of one is accepted as ‘our’ decision and at other times the view of the other is accepted as ‘our’ view,”.

Although it can seem so, compromise isn’t some draconian concept. It’s possible to have varying views and still come to a consensus.

To do so, just remember that you need to make a conscious effort. Dr. Bhonsle says, “The negotiation requires a willingness for an ongoing, mutually respectful dialogue on all issues that affect both – as well as a commitment to a consultative process and collaborative approach as a couple.”

Remind yourself that there isn’t a scorecard and it’s not about who won this round and who lost that one. Think of this negotiation process as a healthy way to air your thoughts with someone you cherish.

“This negotiation results in decisions that are ‘relatively comfortable’ to both. It is possible only if both have the mindset of ‘building up’ a valued relationship and not the mindset of ‘giving up’ one’s desires.

This does not make either one feel that they are ‘sacrificing’ anything, but instead, both view the relationship as a valued ‘project’ that one is emotionally invested in, and will therefore willingly work for its success.” says counsellor.

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